Ok, well that’s not exactly true. The only reason it’s not true is: I didn’t have a panic attack.

You are probably confused at this point. I can’t blame you. I completely understand. Exactly what I mean is this: I had all of the symptoms of a panic attack, but I didn’t let myself have a panic attack.

Here’s exactly what happened.

I woke early and got right to work on my laptop in bed and I was really uncomfortable. I was slumping again. My back really tensed up. So I took a shower which I thought would release it and got ready for work. When I got to work, I didn’t really notice that my back was cramping. After about two hours at my desk, my hands and back started feeling cold. I went through my relaxation several times and it helped tremendously.

When I got home my wife said she was going to the store and was there anything special I would like for dinner. I said, “Yes. Malted Milk balls.” I love malted milk balls. I know I shouldn’t eat them. I thought, I’ll just have 5.

I did have just 5. Three times. 5 before dinner and 10 after I had a big dinner. Now she bought the Brach’s ones and there were probably 45 or so. I felt good about not having eaten the whole bag. But about 15 minutes after I put them down, I started feeling odd.

My hands were cold, the backs of my upper arms (triceps) were cold and so was my back. My back was cramping and I had an intense shiver run up my back and into my head so hard it made my hairs stand on end. I felt nauseous and faint. Then, out of the blue, I had a mental image of the interior of a heart flash in my mind. I remember this image, I saw it online. It was of a healthy heart, but it scared me for some reason. It’s odd, the mental image comes and goes in less than one second, but it confuses you.

This is where I used to stand up and want to run. Or I would start thinking “OH NO! HERE IT COMES!” Then I would go into a panic attack because I knew it had been building all day!

Well, not tonight. I started to think, am I going to have a panic attack? Then thought, “no” and chuckled to myself. I decided to bring my Entrepreneur magazine upstairs and lay in bed and watch T.V. After I refused to give into it, it took about 5 minutes for me to start feeling normal.

I wanted to share this story with you for a several reasons:

First, as you move back towards a less reactive attitude about the sensations your body has, you begin to notice that you still have many of the same sensations you had when you had panic attacks. You just don’t care that you are having the sensations anymore, or you find it interesting and watch yourself going through the sensations.

Second, see what sugar and chocolate can do?  I know that my back was hurting all day. It is uncomfortable, really uncomfortable, but it was the sugar and chocolate that turned my stomach, and made me feel weak, which in turn started the shiver up my spine. Yes, even 15 malted milk balls is enough to start the spiral to panic.

I don’t know why I had the image flash in my mind. I do know that images like that used to flash through a lot more often when I was overwhelmed with anxiety and panic. The occurrence has drastically decreased.

Lastly, I wanted you to see how I experienced it so you can compare your experiences. As you start to become more and more aware of the way your body and mind set you up for a panic attack, you aren’t blind-sided by them and let odd feelings turn into panic. That’s the goal. Because when you can just experience the sensations and not care, you will have freed yourself. I am certain that the feelings will go away for good after a while because I used to feel this way every day, but I haven’t felt this way for at least a month.